Some time ago, I made a huge statement about what I would and would not post on my blog, how I was going to avoid certain issues-now I am going to eat my hat, with salt, and preferably deep fried. There are some issues as a person I cannot ignore, so, I've decided at least once a week--to post something related to a social issue I find important--some things will be positive, others will be sad--and all I want is for people to talk--to think.
So here is my first post:
For the past few weeks there has been much ado about dress codes, locally and nationally. In Kentucky one girl was sent home, because her “clavicles” were showing, even Cosmopolitan picked it up: (read the Article here: School ). I’ve been voicing my own displeasure over how local schools are enforcing their dress codes. (To make this clear, I am not against reasonable dress codes, but that’s not even my main concern. Personally I think this can easily be negotiated into a compromise)
My concern—is the thought and reasoning behind the dress codes.
For example, my daughter’s high school separated the boys and the girls; to go over the dress code. Which is ridiculous.
From this talk, this is what the girls walked away with: Girls were told what they wore “distracted” the boys. Even within the dress code. There was even a comment about how one’s curves should be for your husband. The boys—on the other hand walked away with the understanding they shouldn’t ask for naked picture of girls.
Basically; boys can’t control themselves and it’s the girls fault.
Not a good message.
If I were the parent of boys, I’d be furious to think I couldn’t raise them to behave appropriately.
And as a parent of girls, I’m furious to think my girls are at fault for unwanted behavior.
I understand the intent was to enforce dress code—but the delivery was misguided and sent the wrong message and this needs to be addressed. Why? Because appropriate behavior should be expected on both sides—and it’s a simple and easy to explain.
My husband and I started to write people—the school, school board, and there is no response so I started talking about it in social media.
But first—why am I doing this?
Why is this the hill I want to die on?
Because THIS thought process about dress codes is the tip of bigger iceberg; WHY are the schools so bent on enforcing the new stricter rules, and WHY are the girls to blame? And boys are felt they cannot control themselves?
This should bother you.
We are not animals. None of us are. Part of growing up is learning to conduct ourselves appropriately. To behave in a courteous manner. If you don’t---well you end up in jail (at the worst) or socially ostracized (at the least).
No one deserves abuse; or harassment no MATTER what they wear.
No one has the RIGHT to hurt another because of what they wear.
EVERYONE can control themselves.
There are brutal societies at this very moment who embrace this very dangerous thought process condoning violence against someone because of what they wear, or who they are; people who are suffering because of this dysfunctional belief.
Are we going to let the assumption boys can’t control themselves take root in our schools? Teach our children clothing young ladies wear is at fault for boys not learning control?
This isn’t just about dress code, it’s about behavior and about something dark and ugly that is trying to dig in deep.
What do you think? Do you think this is something we need to address?
I took this conversation to Twitter, and addressed a local talk show host—to get his thoughts on this matter, and he came across as not supportive of my view of behavior vs. dress code. This is fine, because it’s his opinion, but this is a discussion we need to have and not ignore.
Next post I will transcribe our conversation---and make some points and observations about the conversation I did have with talk show host. It was a lively and engaging conversation. So tune in for the next installment on Saturday.
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